Smokey pumpkin and red onion soup: a procrastination recipe. The first of many.

Ironically bad photo of good food. Actually, I’m in Scotland. It’s gud fud. 

I have 2 essays to do in the next couple of weeks, so in order to be productive, I made some soup. Pumpkins were going for 29p at Lidl the other day, so I spent a while wracking my brain cell to think of a good flavour combo; I’d already done a butternut squash and ginger soup so I didn’t want to repeat that one again. Carrot? No, boring. Wingnuts? Hmm…too crunchy. Then, as I opened our wonderful spice cupboard (we have a communal spice cupboard which also contains 4 different types of sugar, 3 different types of flour and 5 different varieties of tea. The usual student household, of course) the answer came to me in a blash of frilliance.

Smokey paprikaaaaaaaa

Image result for paprika meme

I had a load of red onions to use up too, so I decided to make a metric fucktonne of this yummy stuff, doing a classic ‘make it up as you go along’ method. Then, I realised due to my dhal excursions of yesterday, I could only make a metric fecktonne (smaller than a metric fucktonne) due to freezer space being used up.

Anyway, it turned out bloody noice so here’s the recipe:

What u need

Smoll pumkinne – 29p

3 biggie red onions – 24p

1.2 ish litres of vegebabble stock – 10p

1 -2 teaspoonos of smoked paprika -5p

1 tablespoon of BBQ sauce – 6p

1/4 of a grated noootmeg – quite a lot but USE IT ALL – like 2p

-If you don’t have grated, use a teaspoon of fresh

1 teaspoon each of rosemary, cumin, oregano, black pepper – 25p

1 tablespoon of soy sauce – 10p

A little bit of lemon zest if you’re posh enough


What u do

Peel and chop up your pumpkin into chunky chunks and put in a roasting tray with 2 of the red onions, cut into quarters. Drizzle this mizzle with some sunflower oil, honey (if you’ve got it) black pepper and plenty of salt.

Roast that shit for 40 mins. You can do whatever in this time. I planned an essay SO I ACTUALLY WAS PRODUCTIVE MUM THANK YOU.

When it’s smelling and looking boobly and brown, turn the oven off and whack a massive pan on the hob. Melt some butter/oil/elbow grease into the pan and fry the other onion and the garlic til it’s soft, then add those sizzling roast veggies.

Stir round for a bit to get that carmelisation on the outside of the veggies going on. Then, add your spices, soy sauce, BBQ sauce and whatever other flavouring you want. Then, add the veg stock and boil it through for like 5 mins. Blendy blend blend. I like to taste after I’ve blended it, to see if it needs anything else. If the consistency is a little thin for you, boil it some more, but it was just at that nice thick stage for me. It’ll also depend on your pumpkin and how not full of air it is.

Taste it and determine whether it needs a bit of a lift – I added the zesty meme of a lemon to mine and it took it to another dimension. Grate some extra nutmeg if it needs it; you want to be able to taste it!

I served this with crusty homemade brown bread and a can of spray paint for good measure.






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