Student Cuisine for the Gloomy Teen

When you sleep at airports, you bump into weirdos. Then you have a long hard look at yourself because you are, by design, one of those exact weirdos you’ve just bumped into. I’m writing this as two Turkish pre-teens run around after each other and occasionally offer me some of their Haribos, while a bloke … Continue reading Coq Au Vin in a Tin in a Van

Recently I asked my enormous Instagram following what they'd like to see next on the old blogeroo, because crowd-sourcing ideas is an efficient way of not subjecting readers to yet another fruitcake recipe. I had a lot of fun replies, including 'should I buy a rice cooker' (answer: if you eat a lot of rice, … Continue reading DRIED MIXED HERBS ARE A WASTE OF THYME (HERE’S WHY)

Mi comida es tu comida, as the hungry polyglot once said. This is a very serious blog post because I am a very serious writer. Serious writers like me use proverbs which preface their every piece. Serious writers talk in profound, cerebral tones, which are designed to make the reader - and writer, in part … Continue reading Authentic Fusion Food: Haggis, Neeps & Tatties Shepherd’s Pie

It's literally just the recipe. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less.

It plonks itself down on the plate in front of me, freed from the confines of the tin in which it was so effortlessly baked. It’s still warm. Then it says something.  “I’m undefinable, baby.”  I should be taken aback at a traybake being able to speak of its own accord, but what it states … Continue reading Raspberry-Flapjack-Crumble-Bars: An Interview

If your brain is ever too full, one way to unfill it is to lie on the floor and think about pasta.  The other week, I lay on the floor for a change. As I considered the ceiling and its annoying neutrality, my brain whirred gently, like a freshly hatched helicopter. But about six minutes … Continue reading Lemon and Courgette Linguine (floor edition)

Editor's note: This will not age well and is probably a terrible idea but there you go. Enjoy. #AD  You guys. You huns. You BOSSBABES. It’s time for like, the big reveal!! For the last few months, i’ve been working super hard on my range of slow cooked bovine protein products and OMG they are … Continue reading Lazy steak and ale pie but it’s in the style of an instagram beauty influencer

Yeah, yeah I know. Trifle. Microwave. Not exactly two words you expect to go together. But this isn’t a proper trifle really. It’s a sort of weird take on trifle because proper trifle takes ages if you’re making the custard and jelly yourself - that is, without the help of Mr Bird’s and Mr Hartley.  … Continue reading 15 Minute Microwave Trifle

I made a new Instagram account this week, for reasons relating to the longevity of a future career in food media. The whole process irritated my cynicism gland enough to produce a few squirts of suspicion before I relaxed into it and made my photos public. The thing is, I’ve never really liked Instagram. The … Continue reading In defence of ugly food: hot concrete mushroom soup