Citrus Drivel Cake

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Hello, dedicated reader. Happy New Lockdown, and I hope you had a very Merry Coupmas. What a cracking start to 2021.

Here’s a recipe for a citrus drizzle cake which you can either ignore, or make use of. It is lovely and *puts on Nigella Mask* Wonderfully Moist so if you have a spare 20 minutes, try making this rather than doomscrolling. Ok, admittedly there is a lot of quality doom to be scrolling through at the moment, but directing your energy to the kitchen is going to be more productive, not least because it’s also an opportunity to use up all those clementines you bought three weeks ago and are starting to go squishy. Ya bam.

This makes a 20cm light sponge cake and you can use whatever citrus fruit you fancy. I used 1 +1/2 limes and 3 small clementines but go ham and use a whole pomelo if the mood so takes you.

You’re going to need

2 eggs.

If you want to make a really massive cake, use 12 eggs.

Method

Preheat the oven to 180 degrees, line a 20cm cake tin, or like, a trangia pan or something. Fuck it, use a welly boot.

  1. Weigh the eggs
  2. Remember the number. This is the Egg Quotient. It will most likely be around 130g if you use 2 eggs but could be more or less. It will probably be a lot more than this if you use 12 eggs.
  3. Weigh an Egg Quotient’s worth of soft butter or baking fat into a bowl
  4. Weigh out some caster sugar into the bowl until it too reaches the Egg Quotient Number.
  5. Mix with a balloon whisk or a wooden spoon or repeatedly squish with an industrial metal press until the butter and sugar mix is light and fluffy
  6. Add the eggs to the fluffy mix, one at a time, stirring viciously as to avoid The Curdlings
  7. Weigh out an Egg Quotient’s worth plain flour
  8. Fold in the flour to the mix along with a teaspoon of baking powder. Don’t overmix it or it’ll be tougher than the welly boot you’re not going to cook it in
  9. Grate the zest of 3 clementines and 1+1/2 limes on the small bit of the box grater you never use. Do not throw away the fruity bits as you’ll need this to make the drivel.
  10. Add the zest to the cake mix (for that is what you’ve inadvertently created, you fool)
  11. Add the juice of half the lime to the mix
  12. Spoon the batter into a lined, greased tin or welly boot
  13. Bake for 20-30 minutes or until the top looks nice and brown and it springs back when you poke it
  14. You’ve been doomscrolling as the cake’s been cooking, haven’t you? Well, you should have been making the lovely citrus drivel to spoon over the top of you cake when it comes out of the oven. Make it now.
  15. Add the juice of your citrus fruits to a pan, along with a few generous tablespoons of granulated sugar. Heat it for about 10 minutes until it’s just turning syrupy. I’m not gonna tell you how much but taste it and see what you like – I like mine really sharp but unless you’ve got Covid, you should be able to hazard a guess as to what’s gonna work best for you. Mind that the cake is quite sweet and contrast is nice.
  16. Once the cake is out of the oven, get your favorite prick and ask them to make teeny little holes in the top of the cake with a wooden skewer or a toothpick.
  17. Spoon over the hot syrup onto the hot cake and leave it to soak through for about 20 minutes until serving. It’ll still be warm at this point. Goes lovely with a bit of clotted cream or mascarpone for pudding. You can use mayonnaise if you hate yourself.

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