Wild Dan’s Budget Salami Wraps

I have a friend called Dan Wild, who, when you pour beer in him, becomes the best value entertainment in the whole of Edinburgh. During some heavily pub-based research about the budget meals my peer group actually cook, Dan told me, pint slopping everywhere, about his recipe for one-ingredient salami wraps. I laughed so hard I cried.

This recipe plays on the fact that your olfactory receptors are responsible for the large amount of your taste perception. To make this highly nutritious and satisfying meal, you will need:

• An empty packet of salami.
• A tortilla wrap, slightly stale for full authenticity.

1. Sniff the empty packet of salami deeply and tenderly
2. Eat the wrap with all the salami smell still in your nose and mouth
3. Savour the salami taste and ponder your life choices

Recipe notes: The less time that has elapsed between there being salami in the packet, the better the salami taste will be.

Jury’s out on whether this is vegan or not.