Chickpea and Halloumi Hash in the style of the Book of Genesis

In the beginning when God created chickpeas and halloumi,

The chickpeas were a flavourless void and liquid covered the pearls in the tin, while the halloumi was but a pallid chunk of curd.

Then God said, “Let there be a ring-pull can”; and there was a ring pull which mean no faffing with tin openers.

And God saw that the chickpeas were good; and God separated the chickpeas from the water.

And God said, “Let there be a golden crunch to the outside of the halloumi, and let the chickpeas be warmed.”

So God fried the halloumi in a splash of olive oil, and emptied the chickpeas that were in the tin into a separate, deep sided saucepan of Mediums. And it was so.

God called the chickpeas bland. So there was much using of smoked paprika, parsley, cumin and lemon juice which made the flavour appear. And it was good.

And God said, “Let the chickpeas be smashed slightly with the addition of a teaspoon of olive oil and a small quantity of garlic.” And it was so.

God called the chickpea mix Not Hummus Yet, and the halloumi he had fried on both sides he called ‘done’. And God saw that it was good.

Then God said, “we need some vegetation: we must add kale for the homage to Gwyneth Paltrow.” And it was so.

The chickpeas mixed well with vegetation. And God saw that it was good.

And there was a meal, not yet assembled.

And God said, “Let there be a bowl in this world to combine the chickpeas and halloumi; and let them be seasoned well with salt and pepper and the juice of a ripe lemon”. And it was so.

Thus the chickpea and the halloumi were finished, and all their multitude.

And after God finished the work that he had done, and he rested on the sofa

So God blessed the meal and hallowed it, and ate it with great pleasure.