The Vegetable Tales



When that April with his showers soote

The drought of March hath demand’d soup

And with the Spring came many roote

and stalk and leafe; and mud to boot

a guide to cook them, I have written

Forsooth, with Vegetables I am smitten.




The Broccoli’s Tale


The Broccolie was a strong and fibrous fellow,

A verdaent green; eat by’fore yellow

And he prov-ed well, for he was nutritionally grayte

providing vitamins K, C, and lash’ed with folate

but popular not, with youngsteres was he

by-cause of the way

this delectable tree

hath been squish’d and mash’d and boil’d to death:

too long unto water, he smells of bad-breath

so in-stead of hot water ‘neath he shall drop

try stir-frying quickly, olive oil atop

or adding in-stead to a mixture of Egges

with smok’d Bacon eke, and a pinch of nutmege.




The carrot’s tale

A Carrote there was and that a worthy man

he is naturally 100% veg’an

delectably sweet, he loved pureed chickepeas

He has crunch, juice and flavour – but raw if you please

Full worthy was he just as he is,

but if thou mus’t cooke,  bear in your hearts this:

A glaze made of wholegrain mustard and honie,

or if thou art cheap and desire to save Monie,

A Souppe of Lentils and cumin will do

but the flaevoure of Carrote should always come through.




The Cabbage’s tale

With Cabbagge there rode some genteele Seasoning,

of Butter, black pepper, and of Lemon; a squeezening

That straight was comen from the wok of Hot

any other method is worth it not

unless thou would’st preferen to smell

that old-people, burn’d sock and sulforus hell

that cometh when cabbage is unjystly boyled

no wonder the name of this Goode veg is spoiyled. 


(It is to say of cabbage, with out any doubte

thou should’st now treat it as thou would’st a sprout)




The Mushroome’s Tale

A Mush’roome was there which many afear

but the health benefites of this Fungus are cleare;

pack’d to the gills with vitamin D

and a goode meaty texture which some will agree

lends hit self welle to beef bolognaise

or perhaps even bettere, slic’d lengthwayes

and fryed in the hot spitting fat of a swine

Thenne sprinkled with parsley, on toast; it’s divvine. 



The Kale’s Tale

Some Kale there was; a trend, here to stay

It has entice’d younge women

whom’st’ve tend’ed to say

that it tastes ‘goode’ in smoothies

Yet I quoth: “This be lies!”

Adding Kale to thine smoothie is a heinous disguise

For a pleasante and adequate, mildish taste

enhanc’d by paprika; or harissa passte

And, in termes of the methode which is bestly deemed

I’d recommende saute’d, but failing that, steamed.  


The Spinach’s Tale

Some Spinach there was, of Bottom-Draw-Fridge

whose volume, when cook’d, will completely abridge

but alas, fear ye not for the taste stays the same

and so doth the irone that spinache contain

The best way to cooke it, that I have founde,

is eating it steamed, with a fork, by the pounde

but Hark!, dear reader, I’m certes enthusiastic

and if thou think’st that Spinach is’t not so fantastic

Just wilt it it nonchalantly unto soupes, curries, stewe

and soon a love of spinach will growe upon you.




This vegetable pilgrimage is nowise complete

I have not yet discuss’d

Squash, peas, leeks or beets

But take from this anthologie


Veggies are wondrous; so make them the star




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