This is where it gets pretentious: a pesto recipe.


Dw, I’ll keep this one as short and sweet as a penguin rolled in sugar:

WHY THE HELL DOES PESTO COST SO DAMN MUCH. I mean, £3.30 (main pesto brand, scala – tesco’s own is £2.35!!), really?! And you get maybe 2 or 3 meals out of that. Over £1 per serve for a sodding sauce is just too much. So, me being me, I had a little experiment today and have made my own. It’s not the pinnacle of cost effectiveness, but it’s about a third of the cost of buying it, and I think it tastes better. Also, you’ll get like a whole 450g jam-jar full rather than a puny little 225g jar so deffo works out cheaper.


Massive handful of basil. Like enough to fill a big sports direct mug. I keep mine on a windowsill as a pet substitute- 65p

2 big spoons of grated hard cheese/parmesan – 30p

2 handfuls of any nuts you want – I used walnuts which are a bit pricier (thanks, student loan) but you’re just as good using cashews or even a mix. I avoided pine nuts here cos you have to be able to afford a range-rover and an expensive coke habit to be able to buy pine nuts. – 60p

1 clove of garlic, peeled – 5p

Olive oil – about 100ml or a third of a mug – 25p

Nutmeg, if you own it. (I’m already on my 3rd nutmeg of a jar of 6)

What u do

This is where it gets hard.

JK – hurl everything into a food processor and blitz till it’s v green and v smooth, like a tree frog. Add more nuts/oil depending on how you like it. Give it a taste and see if it needs salt (it shouldn’t, due to cheese content) and jazz it up with anything you like (within reason).

Keep it in the fridge. Stir it through pasta, top chicken breasts with it, or use it to paint your flat a vibrant, garlicky green,


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