“Oooh, can you send me the recipe?” : Why I’m starting a food blog (in poem format)

“Send me the recipe!” 

 

To the wonderful friends

who’ve asked me this

I’m ever so sorry;

cos I seem to have missed

The bit where I send you the recipe

and you cook it and eat it and then you text me

“Bloody hell Fliss, that was easy to do

– have you got another that I could use?”

But my apologies are over

as I’ve gone the whole hog

I’m writing you bitches

A FUCKING FOOD BLOG.

 

So. I hope that broke the ice a little. Basically I do a lot of cooking now I’m at Uni and quite a few peeps seem to like what I do (and you guys back home seemed to munch whatever I put in front of you too) and more importantly, I like what I do, so I’m starting a food blog to share my recipes with anyone who is vaguely interested in not eating oven pizza for every meal. Also, Instagram can go do one: I don’t really give a toss what my food looks like as long as it tastes great and is super-filling and most of all: cheap af.

I will probably use memes extensively to explain stuff in a way that most student cookbooks* won’t.

Lies: I’ll just use a meme whenever I want to.

What to expect from a recipe by moi:

  • You won’t have to weigh much at all because a) no one owns weighing scales at Uni** and b) it’s just more simple to use other units, such as cubic meters, when batch cooking.
  • There will be pulses (chickpeas, lentils, beans, barley etc) cos they’re really cheap and easy to make into something interesting
  • you will probs need to freeze leftovers, so get some shitty microwavable containers (normally 10 for £1 anywhere)
  • Actually, wait a second, read that last point again as this is the perfect time to explain why batch cooking at uni is a good idea. 1. Adds up cheaper 2. Time Saving as you can just come home after lectures and throw something in the microwave and have a fresh, hot meal in like 5 minutes.
  • Prepare yourself for some herbs (not that herb, unfortunately. Although…)
  • NOTHING IS PRECISE. Physicists and mathematicians, look away now. Humanities students rejoice: there are no right or wrong answers***
  • I’m basically gonna write this blog how I’d do something rather than tailor it to your average student who thinks that linguine is a type of prawn. Apologies in advance. Google is your friend.
  • Oh yeah – I’m not that meat-heavy cos the good stuff is expensive and the cheap stuff is wanky and a bit unfair on the poor smelly chickens. I buy free-range eggs cos of this (it’s only about 20p more and they taste so. much. better. )
  • that’s about it really – look out for my first few posts v soon.

 

 

 

*student cookbooks are shitty and I don’t like them cos they’re uber patronising: Grating cheese: a five step guide to making your very own perfect grated cheese, which you grated yourself because, actually, in real life, when you’re, like, not, like at home with your cushy parents who’ve cooked every meal for you ever, grating your own cheese is ACTUALLY WAY CHEAPER, and not even that hard and actually, did you know it’s cheaper? SO that’s awesome if you’re grating your own cheese at uni!!!!!! Well done!!!! Step 2: Boiling pasta…

**I own weighing scales at uni but I have been reliably informed by my flatmates that I am A Special Case.

***unless it’s a fucking stupid question

 

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