I have aged 50 years in 4 months (a recipe)

Hello chaps, apologies for my absence these last few weeks. The time has just disappeared in a puff of 40-hour working week. Such fun. Anyhoo, I haven’t slowed down in the kitchen at all during this last month, despite the barren wastelands of the old blogeroo. No; far from it. I’ve played with celeriac for … Continue reading I have aged 50 years in 4 months (a recipe)

7 Kitchen F*ck-Ups (and how I mostly fixed them)

It occured to me, as hot butternut squash soup spaffed itself merrily across my work clothes the other evening, that no one really writes about their own kitchen mishaps. Yeah, sure, there's troubleshooting guides aplenty by lots of foodies, dressed up in warm, genial tones: "Hush, hush darling, don't worry about your split ganache; just … Continue reading 7 Kitchen F*ck-Ups (and how I mostly fixed them)


To set the scene for this dish, please type "noot noot, toot toot" into Google Translate and get the little man in the laptop to tell you how it sounds in Italian. Preferably over some loud speakers. I promise you won't regret it. Right, that should absolutely lay out the mood: we're flirting with italian … Continue reading PRETTY SIMPLE PESTO PARMIGIANA

Balsamic Mushrooms with Halloumi and Basil

I have, over the last few months, graduated from studentdom and become a proper adult. I now pay council tax, have too much laundry and made my ever first visit to Halfords to buy a special treat for my pet car. Such good work, Freeborn! Do reward yourself with an after-work nap and quick browse … Continue reading Balsamic Mushrooms with Halloumi and Basil

2 Ingredient Blender Hot Chocolate

I was asked recently whether I knew any good cooking 'hacks'. "Err..well...um...use enough salt?" I proffered hopelessly, the cooking bit of my brain escaping out of my ears and slithering away from me, winking. I scrambled desperately for something else. "And, um, let me see...don't bother peeling carrots." Cooking Brain laughed and mooned me, before … Continue reading 2 Ingredient Blender Hot Chocolate

“You’re a complete tosser”: Scottish Man Makes Salade Nicoise Wrong

"Are you doing that on purpose, Lewis?" "Doing what on purpose?" "THAT." I point at the salad spoons which Lewis is using upside down, handle-end buried deep in olives, boiled potatoes and lettuce. He's practically mashing the tatties at this point. "No idea what you're talking about, pal," he says, looking me dead in the … Continue reading “You’re a complete tosser”: Scottish Man Makes Salade Nicoise Wrong

Mini cheesy leek puffs

Life's been a bit all over the place for me lately. It seems the ever-present narrative of getting a good degree from a good university in order to get a good job is basically Moses promising sugarcandy mountain to the overworked animals in George Orwell's famous political allegory. Some degrees are more equal than others, … Continue reading Mini cheesy leek puffs

Spatchcock Chicken in the Dead of Night.

Take these broken wings and learn to fry. "Spatchcock." The chicken spoke quietly, but distinctly. "Spatchcock," it said a little louder, a calm voice emanating from the chiller section of Lidl. I stopped in front of it and considered things for a moment. I'd wanted to make some sort of bulgar wheat chickpea salad thing … Continue reading Spatchcock Chicken in the Dead of Night.