Lazy steak and ale pie but it’s in the style of an instagram beauty influencer

Editor’s note: This will not age well and is probably a terrible idea but there you go. Enjoy.


You guys. You huns. You BOSSBABES. It’s time for like, the big reveal!! For the last few months, i’ve been working super hard on my range of slow cooked bovine protein products and OMG they are legit. I can’t even begin to tell you how excited I am about this range of products!! Like, I’ve worked my arse off for it, day in day out. I even went to go and meet the cows themselves and let me tell you they were SO CUTE but like, they also provide collagen which is partially what helps my skin look so #radiant so like, ethically we’re girlbossing.

So anyways, this is basically a recipe for like, steak and ale pie, but it’s got like good carbs in it which won’t puff you out too much, because the puff is already there in the pastry, if that makes sense??? Lol. 

It’s not a super quick method, ill be the first to put my hands up and admit it so i don’t get slammed in the comments, but like, it’ll give you the best results ever. Plus everyone knows we have the same 24 hours in a day, so you should like, technically have enough time to do this? Either way you should TOTALLY try it, it’s such a game changer. 

So for my perfect steak and ale pie, in collaboration with Gatekeep inc., you will need:

  • 500g of puff pastry
  • 800g of diced Lidl stewing beef, preferably reduced to £1 a pack #hussle #bargain
  • A can of ale or stout #candoattitude
  • 500ml of Malbec but idm, you can use another type of wine
  • 4 large carrots #cheeky #selfcare
  • 1.5 litres of beef stock #moo
  • Two white onions, roughly chopped 
  • A few sprigs of rosemary and some bay leaves if you have it
  • Salt
  • Butter or oil
  • Black pepper

Equipment: A big pan and a deep cake tin.

So, what you do is your brown off the entire country, and then you brown off your meat in batches with some salt and pepper so it gets a nice sear on it. 

Then in the same pan your meat was in, which is now on a side hustle doing nothing on a plate next to the hob, fry off your onions in the oil or butter.

While that’s getting all cooked and stuff, chop your carrots roughly.  

Add your meat back into the onions and cook everything together. Throw in the sprig of rosemary and the bay leaf and add loads of black pepper and salt. #collab. Add in the beer and wine and, like totally deglaze the bottom of the pan to get all those crispy bits off because this is where the real deal flavour is!!!!

Add the tomatoes, then the stock and then the carrots huns! Bring everything to the boil for around 15 minutes, then turn the heat down for like, 4 hours, adding in the rest of the wine every now and again when it’s getting a bit too reduced.

Omg this is like so much work, I know, but at least it’s REWARDING AF!!!

So next, you’re gonna roll out your pastry, guys. Roll it to like the thickness of a £1 coin – go get that bread, biatch haha – and then drape it messily over your cake tin and press it into the edges. 

When your stew is like, done, (the beef is totes tender and everything tastes like friggin GRAVY) preheat the oven to 200 degrees and basically, like slop your stew into the middle of the cake tin lined with pastry. It might be a bit gross at first but it’s sooooo worth it!!1!

Then what you do with all the overhang is drape it over the middle of the cake tin so, like, the stew is roughly covered. This is like, a totally homemade and #authentic product so like, don’t try too hard to make it insta-ready. 

Cover it with an egg you’ve beaten in the hustle game, and then pop it in your sexy-ass oven for like 40 minutes until it’s puffed up and looking fly as hell. Serve it with peas and a side of pretty privilege and you’re SET.  

Love u all so much

F xxx

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